Don’t Worry About Me, I’m Used to Suffering

It’s Day Three of my fight against strep throat and I seem to finally be winning (not whining, winning. Shut up.) I don’t know how it is that I can pop out three babies on the large side of average with relatively little fuss, but a case of strep makes me cranky and, occasionally, a little weepy. I suppose it’s because strep messes with my ability to eat and nothing ought to interfere with my eating.
I felt good enough today to take the kids hiking. It’s supposed to rain over the next few days so I figured I’d better get everyone out of the house today. People tell me I’m so good about taking the kids hiking and having them play outside but what they don’t seem to realize is that it’s a supreme form of laziness. If no one’s in my house, no one’s messing with my stuff. And taking a 6 and 3-year old hiking isn’t really physically demanding. So I wear them out and then they come home and sit comatose in front of the TV and everyone’s happy.

While we were hiking, I suggested we sing a few songs. It helps 1.) to keep the kids from realizing exactly how far I’m forcing them on their death march and 2.) to alert the bears and mountains lions so that they will hopefully run away. This is what The Experts advise. If I were a hungry bear or mountain lion, I might perhaps run toward the sound of a tasty snack but apparently they tend to do the opposite. So we were singing. I wanted to sing old Girl Scout camp songs I learned in sixth grade. Timothy and Alexis chose instead to sing “Heartbreaker, ” and “Don’t You Want Me, Baby?” So maybe that’s what scared the animals into hiding.

On the way home, we passed a cute little antique store in the mountains. I knew we were in no shape to go in. But I also know that I’m not getting up there again any time soon. So I made everyone get out and after various threats and a very long stare at the two kids capable of doing the most damage, we went in. Alexis had gotten her pants really dirty and was wearing a long sweater that arguably covered her but kind of made her look like a flasher. Caleb had had an accident and was wearing only a T-shirt and diaper (I’d like to say that’s not how he normally dresses, but…) and Timothy just looked like a six-year old boy who had been hiking. ‘Nuff said. To be fair, they did last almost 20 min before trying to play hide and seek amongst the overly stocked tchotchkes. The lady behind the counter kept staring at me until I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And when I checked out, I apologized for the noise and she said, rather weakly, “Oh, that’s all right. We love having them in here.”

Liar.