My favorite caption from this week’s edition:
“Jeffco District Attorney Scott Storey formally announces he is running for re-election during a pig roast Jan. 16 at the Jefferson County Fairgrounds Exhibit Hall.”
The Return of the Columbine Courier
I don’t know if it was the warm weather or if people were out of town for the summer but the Columbine Courier has been really boring of late. This week is getting better. As I sit here eating my 5th Halloween-sized Nestle Crunch bar which I generally don’t even like but tastes great just because it’s Halloween candy and all Halloween candy tastes great, I will share the Sheriff’s log with you. If I don’t lay off the sugar, I’ll be in it next week. As always, the following is copied verbatim (including helpful commentary) from the local paper’s crime section:
SOUTHWEST JEFFCO: A suspected thief apparently had some movies to catch up on. A deputy was dispatched to a local supermarket one evening after the store’s loss-prevention staff scuffled with a shoplifter. It would seem that the man filled a blue “gift bag” inside his shopping cart with DVDs — about $510 worth. Not only that, but the suspect took approximately $23 in baked goods as well. Evidently he needed some munchies for his movie marathon. Store security got into a scuffle with the shoplifter, who was described as a 6-foot-tall 220-pound man wearing blue jeans and a light blue T-shirt. The suspect got away and was thought to have entered a local bar.
SOUTHWEST JEFFCO: It’s never a good thing when a man’s truck goes missing. A victim called the sheriff’s office after his vehicle was apparently stolen in front of his workplace. The vehicle was being stored in the parking lot with the employer’s consent, as it had expired tags, a flat tire and a “messed up ignition.” To top it off, the beast had to be started with a screwdriver. The victim went to other storefronts asking if anyone had further details on the apparent theft. Whoever took the truck must have been pretty handy — and pretty stealthy — as he needed to replace the tire, break in and start the vehicle with the unconventional key. A co-worker said she later saw the vehicle on the road with an unknown suspect driving. The vehicle’s not a pretty sight; valued at about $1,500, it comes complete with some dents and a couple tools in the bed. Had a dog and missing wife been involved, the victim might have been able to write a country song.
The Columbine Courier-week 4
EVERGREEN — On Jan. 1 deputies were called to the 23000 block of Upper Bear Creek Road on a report of a dispute between two neighbors. According to the report, a man called deputies because his neighbor was allegedly harassing him about blocking her driveway with his truck. The man said he parked the vehicle while shoveling snow, and that he was sure the woman could not get out of her unplowed driveway anyway. The two agreed to stay away from each other, but not before the woman accused the man of packing in snow around her car so she would get stuck. The man denied doing that.
CONIFER — Someone apparently stole a large backhoe from a lot that is rented out for storage in the 10200 block of Highway 73. While a deputy was entering the vehicle into the computer as stolen, another deputy spotted the backhoe behind the Safeway store in the 10800 block of U.S. 285. The owner verified the equipment was his, and it was returned to the man with no indication of who might have taken it in the first place. Whoever did take it, however, left an ice scraper inside for the rightful owner.
The Columbine Courier-week 3
Just when I needed a little pick-me-up, along comes The Columbine Courier for this week. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Yipeee!
The first item is not from the police log, but rather an advertisement for a local dentist:
Give Your Family Something to Smile About! Cosmetic & Aesthetic Dentistry, ZOOM 1-Hour Whitening, White Fillings & Smile Makeovers — Dr. Phillip Wimpee (snicker, snicker)
Ok, from the police log:
-SOUTHWEST JEFFCO: A man residing in the 6700 block of South Field Street reported that he keeps receiving bills for magazine subscriptions he said he’s never had. Popular Science, Street Chopper and U.S. News are among the unwanted titles billed to the man’s address.
-SOUTHWEST JEFFCO: Someone apparently went to the trouble of breaking up the asphalt at the base of a couple’s home in the 8800 block of South Brentwood Street on Dec. 8 The couple returned home that day to find the asphalt had been made into pieces and pushed onto their cement driveway.
-SOUTHWEST JEFFCO: On Dec. 9, a man in the 6400 block of South Pierson Street found his truck had been pegged with numerous eggs.
NOTE: We live in Southwest Jeffco. Who knew it was so crime-ridden? Alas!
The Columbine Courier-week 2
This is starting to be my favorite day of the week…
from the Sheriff’s crime log:
-SOUTHWEST JEFFCO: Toilet paper was thrown all over a couple’s home and trees on Nov. 3 in the 7700 block of South Newland Street. There was also a mysterious pile of dog food strewn about the sidewalk nearby.
-SOUTHWEST JEFFCO: On Nov. 4, a man reported finding damage to his inflatable “Tigger” character, of Winnie the Pooh fame. Someone had sliced the neck of the decoration and took the cape it had been wearing.
EVERGREEN: About 12:35am on Nov. 4, a deputy noticed two people sitting in the back of a parked car that was filled with smoke. A woman in the car said they’d just finished a joint, and they were happy to receive their summons for possession of marijuana.
and for those of you who fear we have nothing to do out here:
SCRABBLE GAMES: 6:30pm second Tuesday, Barnes&Noble bookstore, South Wadsworth Blvd.
ROCKY MTN CIVIL WAR ROUNDTABLE: The group gathers in the meeting room at 6pm and the meeting begins at 7pm, the second Thursday monthly at Country Buffet, for dinner and discussions of the American Civil War.
The Columbine Courier
We get a paper here called The Columbine Courier — one of those free neighborhood papers that’s delivered to our door once a week. Here are my favorite items from this week:
-Pet Photo Nights with Santa: Bring your lovable furry friend (domestic animals only) to take a holiday photo with Santa in his New Magical Forest.
I love that they specify “domestic animals only.” What do you suppose people would bring otherwise?
The rest of the items are verbatim from the Sheriff’s crime log:
-In late August, a motorist hit a mountain lion on C-470. When deputies arrived on the scene, they found a woman attempting to render aid to the wild animal…the shocked woman then asked deputies to give the mountain lion CPR and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The deputies declined to do so.
-A local movie patron experienced drama, suspense and horror — but not until the end of the movie, when he discovered his car stereo and flashlight had been taken at the Colorado Cinemas at 8055 W. Bowles Ave.
-On Oct. 27, a man’s social life went dim after his cell phone was reportedly stolen.
-Post-Halloween trauma is sure to ensue for a woman in the 2800 block of Little Big Horn Drive. The woman awoke the day after the ghoulish holiday to find her vehicles had been struck with eggs.
-On Halloween night, alleged goblins “tricked” a man by shooting three orange paintballs at his living room window. The man says if whoever did it comes back, he has a “treat” for them.
I love this place.
